Profound words of advice for Kamala Harris from some of the legends of politics and comedy

Ready for adjacent governmental act

Infamous past words:

Jay Leno: “Secret Service guys are brave. In what different occupation are you asked to instrumentality a slug for your boss? I mean, different than moving astatine 7-Eleven.”

George Carlin: “Politics are truthful corrupt. Even dishonest radical get screwed.”

Winston Churchill: “Eating my words has ne'er fixed maine indigestion.”

Mort Sahl: “Liberals consciousness unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives consciousness they merit everything they’ve stolen.”

Woodrow Wilson: “A blimpish is 1 who conscionable sits and thinks — mostly sits.”

Bobcat Goldthwait: “Easy to beryllium politically close and wide erstwhile you unrecorded successful a gated community.”

Buck Henry: “We request a president who’s fluent successful astatine slightest 1 language.”

And burbled successful the streets of DC: “Soon America’s going to person each honorable politicians. Reason being, there’s thing near to steal.”

Hey, it’s a setup

Comedian Joey Adams connected Richard Nixon: “In the archetypal spot cipher ever thought helium could triumph adjacent if helium ran unopposed.”

Phyllis Diller’s governmental thoughts: “Never spell to furniture mad. No substance who you’re for, enactment up and fight.”

Dan Quayle said this about Al Gore: “Nixon told maine the property volition either prime connected the president oregon vice president. When Eisenhower was popular, Nixon got picked on. When Bush was popular, I got picked on. Gore’s lucky. Clinton’s ne'er been fashionable truthful they near Gore alone.”

The precocious Geraldine Ferraro: “Hillary Clinton should conscionable beryllium Hillary. Do radical expect her to beryllium location and constitute books with the dog? She doesn’t adjacent person a dog.”

Sonny Bono connected politicians: “Don’t cling to fame. You’re conscionable borrowing it. The thing’s similar money. You’re going to die, and idiosyncratic other is going to get it.”

President Chester Arthur?

First president to employment a full-time valet.

For bully reason.

He owned 80 pairs of pants.

Calvin Coolidge: “If you support dormant inactive a instrumentality volition tally down successful 3 to 4 minutes. If you cough oregon grin they’ll commencement up again.”

Dwight David Eisenhower spent 150 days a twelvemonth connected the play course.

Even installed a putting greenish astatine the White House until it was plagued by squirrels.

When Barry Goldwater tried moving for precocious bureau it was said: “Oh, please, helium thinks Rockefeller Center is the governor’s navel.”

Natural selection

Someone oregon different astir Benjamin Franklin: “In 3 days guests — similar food — statesman to smell.” (I don’t cognize precisely who said it. I wasn’t there.)

Of Thomas E. Dewey who ran for the highest office: “Great man. Often compared to St. Paul — 1 of the dullest towns successful America.”

Presidential campaigner Sen. Goldwater successful his speech: “I’d alternatively beryllium close than president.”

Added critics: “Forget it. You’ll ne'er beryllium either.”

1938.

Franklin D. Roosevelt addressing Daughters of the American Revolution opened his code with “Fellow immigrants . . .”

Be it known Russia’s paper Pravda is moving a contention for the champion governmental joke.

First prize: 20 years.

I’m told that a Hubert Humphrey doll erstwhile came connected the market.

You coiled it up and for 4 years it did nothing.

E pluribus unum. All for 1 — and 1 for each of Kamala’s code teachers.